The Iran War: How's it going?

On 27 February 2026, President Donald J. Trump gave the order to proceed with Operation "Epic Fury", starting a war with Iran as an attempt to distract from continuing investigations about his deep, personal relationship with his close friend Jeffery Epstein.

Below are select quotes from the timeline of this war.

• Mar 3: We won the war.
• Mar 7: We defeated Iran.
• Mar 9: We must attack Iran.
• Mar 9: The war is ending almost completely, and very beautifully.
• Mar 11: You never like to say too early you won. We won. In the first hour it was over.
• Mar 12: We did win, but we haven't won completely yet.
• Mar 13: We won the war.
• Mar 14: Please help us.
• Mar 15: If you don't help us, I will certainly remember it.
• Mar 16: Actually, we don't need any help at all.
• Mar 16: I was just testing to see who's listening to me.
• Mar 16: If NATO doesn't help, they will suffer something very bad.
• Mar 17: We neither need nor want NATO's help.
• Mar 17: I don't need Congressional approval to withdraw from NATO.
• Mar 18: Our allies must cooperate in reopening the Strait of Hormuz.
• Mar 19: US allies need to get a grip - step up and help open the Strait of Hormuz.
• Mar 20: NATO are cowards.
• Mar 21: The Strait of Hormuz must be protected by the countries that use it. We don't use it, we don't need to open it.
• Mar 22: This is the last time. I will give Iran 48 hours. Open the strait
• Mar 22: Iran is Dead
• Mar 23: We had very good and productive talks with Iran.
• Mar 24: We’re making progress.
• Mar 25: They gave us a present and the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.
• Mar 26: Make a deal, or we’ll just keep blowing them away.
• Mar 27: We don’t have to be there for NATO.
• Mar 30: Open the Strait of Hormuz immediately, or face devastating consequences.
• Apr 1: We’ll see what happens very soon.
• Apr 3: Something big is going to happen.
• Apr 5: Open the fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah.
• Apr 7: A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don't want that to happen, but it probably will.